( jason wishes he wasn't wearing gloves, right now. wishes it were easy enough to slide them off so he could press his hands against tim's face, feel his flesh against his fingertips--run them up and down his neck, feel the way his chest rises and falls against him and catch his pulse against his neck. unfortunately, it's a little too late for that--isn't it. he may fuck this up so entirely bad that this could be the last time he's allowed to get this close to tim, and jason could have ruined his first and only chance at actually feeling him.
it's too late for regrets now though, isn't it.
tim talks, goes on and on and they're not quite the words he's looking for, there's no I want you in there, but it's implied, isn't it? he can hear it in tim's tone, in the words he says between words but there's still that part of him, deep down, that questions whether he's just imagining this shit. this is all fake. this is tim fucking with him, wanting to crack him open to see what it'd be like, what jason's like inside, just so he can fuck him up and ruin him again.
he doesn't deserve it, does he? tim's feelings. the way he's speaking as if jason was something special. as if he's amazing, wanted. it's all jason's ever wanted, isn't it? to have someone actually want him around--a bond he's been missing since the day he was born.
lips part on a shaky exhale, before he's taking a quick breath in, heart pounding in his chest loud enough that the sound echoes in his ears like a drum; it almost hurts. but he doesn't let that win. not now. not today. not when he's got tim this close, when tim is touching him, opening up to him in ways jason never thought would happen. )
Are you sure? ( his voice loses that gruff undertone--replaced with uncertainty. jason pulls back a bit, moves his forehead away from tim's own but keeps his mouth close, lips almost brushing against tim's as he speaks. if this is all just a game, if someone's just fucking with his head, then he guesses he'll find out soon. ) Last chance to take it back, Tim. To stop this. I'll--stop this now, if that's what you want. We can pretend this didn't happen.
( not that he wants to, but jesus. ) But after this, there's no going back, I--( tim isn't a child, god he knows that, but he's still so young. he could regret this in the morning. he could regret this four seconds after he finishes talking. he could decide that no, he was wrong, he didn't want this, and tell jason to fuck off--and jason's not sure if he could handle that. worse: tim decides he definitely doesn't regret any of this, and jason gets him hurt. )
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it's too late for regrets now though, isn't it.
tim talks, goes on and on and they're not quite the words he's looking for, there's no I want you in there, but it's implied, isn't it? he can hear it in tim's tone, in the words he says between words but there's still that part of him, deep down, that questions whether he's just imagining this shit. this is all fake. this is tim fucking with him, wanting to crack him open to see what it'd be like, what jason's like inside, just so he can fuck him up and ruin him again.
he doesn't deserve it, does he? tim's feelings. the way he's speaking as if jason was something special. as if he's amazing, wanted. it's all jason's ever wanted, isn't it? to have someone actually want him around--a bond he's been missing since the day he was born.
lips part on a shaky exhale, before he's taking a quick breath in, heart pounding in his chest loud enough that the sound echoes in his ears like a drum; it almost hurts. but he doesn't let that win. not now. not today. not when he's got tim this close, when tim is touching him, opening up to him in ways jason never thought would happen. )
Are you sure? ( his voice loses that gruff undertone--replaced with uncertainty. jason pulls back a bit, moves his forehead away from tim's own but keeps his mouth close, lips almost brushing against tim's as he speaks. if this is all just a game, if someone's just fucking with his head, then he guesses he'll find out soon. ) Last chance to take it back, Tim. To stop this. I'll--stop this now, if that's what you want. We can pretend this didn't happen.
( not that he wants to, but jesus. ) But after this, there's no going back, I--( tim isn't a child, god he knows that, but he's still so young. he could regret this in the morning. he could regret this four seconds after he finishes talking. he could decide that no, he was wrong, he didn't want this, and tell jason to fuck off--and jason's not sure if he could handle that. worse: tim decides he definitely doesn't regret any of this, and jason gets him hurt. )