[ Jason so rarely got nice things and got to keep them. Markings Tim's skin, was almost like a way of telling the world this nice thing will be his. He'd be pissed if it crashed and burned, but he would always be a little pessimistic. ]
I should have expected that.
[ Really, he should have, it was Tim Drake. As much as he hated admitting it, Tim was damn good at nearly all Tim does... outside of being a functioning human.
It was Jason's turn to move an exploding hand down, teasing at the hem of Tim's pants again.] Want me to get up so you can take some of this off? I'm feeling a little under dressed here.
Hey, you're the one who insisted you had to sleep like this.
[Not that Tim minded, of course. He would've preferred curling up against Jason's bare chest for the night, but it was actually kind of sweet, in a way, how Jason insisted on keeping Tim rolled over the other way so he wouldn't asphyxiate in the middle of the night. He shrugs one shoulder and reluctantly removes his hands from Jason, unbuttoning the first button on his shirt.]
I guess I could ...
[Then he stops, grins again, slips his hands back down to Jason's hips and pulls him gently in.]
[ A real thing that Jason didn't have, he just didn't like sleeping fully dressed. Night terrors brought night sweats and, no thank you. He would be the worst person ever if he let Tim asphyxiate next to him while he slept. Good luck explaining that to Bruce... not to mention growing up with Catherine. He was an old hand at it.
Jason arched one of those brows when Tim stopped and pulled him back in. A wicked grin crossed his features as Jason shifted to put both hands on Tim's shirt.]
Don't cry later.
[ Was all he said before yanking both halves of the shirt, he wanted to make the buttons fly. ]
[ That smug tone escaping as he leaned in more, closing his lips over newly exposed skin, kissing roughly down Tim's pecs, while his hands explored on. ]
[Well. Tim can't really complain about Jason kissing over his chest, that's for sure. He settles back onto the bed, eyes falling shut, fingers reaching to twist into Jason's hair, a soft murmur of approval hovering in the back of his throat.]
[ He muttered between kisses, he couldn't tell for sure what flipped the switch but now he just wanted to make more of those noises come from Tim. His calloused hands trailing over the exposed flesh as his lips traveled down.]
[His breaths start to feel heavier in his lungs the farther down Jason's mouth and hands move.]
I want ...
[You is all Tim can think, but that's not really what Jason's asking, is it. Jason's asking specifics and Tim doesn't really know what specifically he wants from Jason - hasn't been here like this before, not with another guy, and is suddenly left feeling self-conscious about his lack of experience. Mouth pressed into a frown, he slips a hand to the side of Jason's jaw.]
I don't really care what you do, Jason, I just want you to touch me. What - [he sucks in a quick, shallow breath] - what do you want most?
[ The fingers on his jaw encourage him on, he shifts enough to kiss the fingers before moving further down, no denying he's moving towards Tim's pants. Leaving kisses, and scraps of stubble along his path. When the question is asked, hes already feeling emotionally exposed, so he speaks without thought. ]
To be loved.
[ The words spoken in Russian of all things as he worked on kissing, he doubted he would ever truly be loved, but he could do this just fine. Sitting up enough to start undoing Tim's pants to try and get rid of that which is in his way.]
[Oh. That's - that's not even on the list of possible responses Tim's expecting to hear, and it's jarring enough to cut through the pleasurable sensations of Jason's mouth moving down his stomach.]
Jason ...
[As nice as this feels, it's time to apply the brakes. This is too important to have misunderstood. Tim reaches for Jason's hand with one of his own to call a halt to undoing his pants; the other brushes along Jason's face, coaxing him to look up at Tim as he pushes himself back up to sitting, mouth pursed in thought. Does he really not know?]
I already do. Don't you know that?
[Maybe he doesn't; it's not as if Tim's actually told him as much before. Maybe that was a mistake on Tim's part, assuming Jason would know. Maybe he should've said something before now.]
You don't have to do this to get me to love you - I've loved you for a long time.
[ Jason didn't expect Tim to understand, though he wasn't exactly shocked by that, he was more shocked by the breaks being put on. The hand on his face, was all that was needed for his eyes to lock on Tim's a deep pain rooted in them as he looked unsure.]
You cant say that, you don't know me. You knew an idea... you became that idea when I failed.
[ Years of victim blaming had done their damage, these days be believed he deserved what he got. Thanks Bruce.]
You didn't fail, Jason. You're not - you're not just an idea.
[Tim shakes his head, frowning. He sits up straighter on the bed, feet curled to the side, and slides a hand to rest along Jason's jaw.]
Maybe I don't know you as well as I want to, but that doesn't mean I don't know you at all. I know enough. I've watched you for years, and I know - I know how I feel about you. I love you, Jason.
[It feels weird, saying the words, after keeping that secret locked away inside his heart for so long - weird but right. Tim couldn't tear his eyes away from Jason now, even if he wanted to, and he doesn't. Slowly, gently, Tim traces his thumb over Jason's cheekbone.]
You're more than an idea to me, Jason. You always have been.
[ Jason closes his blue eyes to keep Tim from seeing striaght to his soul, as he tipped his head some into the hand against his jaw. He felt to raw laying himself out line this. Letting Tim see past the walls.
Jason's eyes only dared crack after Tim spoke the dreaded words... as much as he craved them, he felt like they were a curse. Lifting his hand over he pressed his finger against Tim's lips once he finished.]
Don't say that again... Don't use words like that lightly, words have power. Wait and see before you speak.
[ He spoke, his eyes almost burning and he hated it. He hated it so much.]
[Tim goes silent at Jason's request, brow furrowed as he listens to his words. What do I need to do, he thinks, to make him believe me? Both hands close around Jason's, gently folding his fingers down as he drops his head to brush his lips against Jason's knuckles, then turns his gaze back up to meet Jason's eyes, blue finding blue.]
Jason ... I'm serious as a heart attack. Do you really think I'd just say that? [He shakes his head.] I've seen all I need to know how I feel about you.
[If he's not fought, Tim will move in closer to Jason, aiming to pull him into a hug, holding tight. Maybe words aren't enough - maybe what Jason will need to believe Tim is to be shown the strength of his conviction.]
[ Jason stays silent his eyes watching Tim, waiting to see where the 'but' would come from... when none came, he didn't fight him, but he didnt speak. He just returned the hug and held him a little tighter than he intended to. He needed the grounding touch.]
[Touch is important; it provides a connection with others, reminds you that you're real. They've both been conditioned to expect violent touch, bruises that sting, proof of battles fought and either won or lost, but touch like this, warm and grounding, is much rarer. Tim's fingertips trace along Jason's hairline at the back of his skull as he rests his head against Jason's shoulder.]
It's OK - we can go slower. [Maybe Tim was pushing too hard, too fast - too eager to grab ahold of this thing he's wanted for so long.] Hey, why don't you order some breakfast for us? We can eat, maybe go back to sleep for a bit longer.
[He likes that, the idea of being entrusted with Jason’s secrets, especially when it’s something like this. Tim’s reluctant to let Jason go, but uses the necessary parting as an opportunity to slip to the bathroom, returning a few moments later with a gentle hand at Jason’s shoulder to silently announce himself. There’s no worse idea than sneaking up behind Jason - that’s a good way to get an elbow to the face.]
I’ll have to phone the concierge next, see if they can send up a sewing kit.
[It’s murmured into the side of Jason’s neck, followed with a kiss.]
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I should have expected that.
[ Really, he should have, it was Tim Drake. As much as he hated admitting it, Tim was damn good at nearly all Tim does... outside of being a functioning human.
It was Jason's turn to move an exploding hand down, teasing at the hem of Tim's pants again.] Want me to get up so you can take some of this off? I'm feeling a little under dressed here.
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[Not that Tim minded, of course. He would've preferred curling up against Jason's bare chest for the night, but it was actually kind of sweet, in a way, how Jason insisted on keeping Tim rolled over the other way so he wouldn't asphyxiate in the middle of the night. He shrugs one shoulder and reluctantly removes his hands from Jason, unbuttoning the first button on his shirt.]
I guess I could ...
[Then he stops, grins again, slips his hands back down to Jason's hips and pulls him gently in.]
Or maybe you could take my clothes off yourself.
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[ A real thing that Jason didn't have, he just didn't like sleeping fully dressed. Night terrors brought night sweats and, no thank you. He would be the worst person ever if he let Tim asphyxiate next to him while he slept. Good luck explaining that to Bruce... not to mention growing up with Catherine. He was an old hand at it.
Jason arched one of those brows when Tim stopped and pulled him back in. A wicked grin crossed his features as Jason shifted to put both hands on Tim's shirt.]
Don't cry later.
[ Was all he said before yanking both halves of the shirt, he wanted to make the buttons fly. ]
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[Tim's eyes pop wide open in surprise when his shirt's torn open. He laughs, but struggles at sitting up in protest.]
That's my only shirt, you jerk!
[Still laughing, though - he's not angry, just playing at outrage.]
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[ That smug tone escaping as he leaned in more, closing his lips over newly exposed skin, kissing roughly down Tim's pecs, while his hands explored on. ]
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You're lucky I like you.
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[ He muttered between kisses, he couldn't tell for sure what flipped the switch but now he just wanted to make more of those noises come from Tim. His calloused hands trailing over the exposed flesh as his lips traveled down.]
Tell me what you want most.
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I want ...
[You is all Tim can think, but that's not really what Jason's asking, is it. Jason's asking specifics and Tim doesn't really know what specifically he wants from Jason - hasn't been here like this before, not with another guy, and is suddenly left feeling self-conscious about his lack of experience. Mouth pressed into a frown, he slips a hand to the side of Jason's jaw.]
I don't really care what you do, Jason, I just want you to touch me. What - [he sucks in a quick, shallow breath] - what do you want most?
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To be loved.
[ The words spoken in Russian of all things as he worked on kissing, he doubted he would ever truly be loved, but he could do this just fine. Sitting up enough to start undoing Tim's pants to try and get rid of that which is in his way.]
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Jason ...
[As nice as this feels, it's time to apply the brakes. This is too important to have misunderstood. Tim reaches for Jason's hand with one of his own to call a halt to undoing his pants; the other brushes along Jason's face, coaxing him to look up at Tim as he pushes himself back up to sitting, mouth pursed in thought. Does he really not know?]
I already do. Don't you know that?
[Maybe he doesn't; it's not as if Tim's actually told him as much before. Maybe that was a mistake on Tim's part, assuming Jason would know. Maybe he should've said something before now.]
You don't have to do this to get me to love you - I've loved you for a long time.
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You cant say that, you don't know me. You knew an idea... you became that idea when I failed.
[ Years of victim blaming had done their damage, these days be believed he deserved what he got. Thanks Bruce.]
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[Tim shakes his head, frowning. He sits up straighter on the bed, feet curled to the side, and slides a hand to rest along Jason's jaw.]
Maybe I don't know you as well as I want to, but that doesn't mean I don't know you at all. I know enough. I've watched you for years, and I know - I know how I feel about you. I love you, Jason.
[It feels weird, saying the words, after keeping that secret locked away inside his heart for so long - weird but right. Tim couldn't tear his eyes away from Jason now, even if he wanted to, and he doesn't. Slowly, gently, Tim traces his thumb over Jason's cheekbone.]
You're more than an idea to me, Jason. You always have been.
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Jason's eyes only dared crack after Tim spoke the dreaded words... as much as he craved them, he felt like they were a curse. Lifting his hand over he pressed his finger against Tim's lips once he finished.]
Don't say that again... Don't use words like that lightly, words have power. Wait and see before you speak.
[ He spoke, his eyes almost burning and he hated it. He hated it so much.]
We can try, Tim, thats the best I can offer...
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Jason ... I'm serious as a heart attack. Do you really think I'd just say that? [He shakes his head.] I've seen all I need to know how I feel about you.
[If he's not fought, Tim will move in closer to Jason, aiming to pull him into a hug, holding tight. Maybe words aren't enough - maybe what Jason will need to believe Tim is to be shown the strength of his conviction.]
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It's OK - we can go slower. [Maybe Tim was pushing too hard, too fast - too eager to grab ahold of this thing he's wanted for so long.] Hey, why don't you order some breakfast for us? We can eat, maybe go back to sleep for a bit longer.
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Don't tell anyone about this, got it?
[ He wouldn't be himself without threats. ]
Yeah, I'll go do that.
[ He let go and moved to go over and order breakfast for them.]
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[He likes that, the idea of being entrusted with Jason’s secrets, especially when it’s something like this. Tim’s reluctant to let Jason go, but uses the necessary parting as an opportunity to slip to the bathroom, returning a few moments later with a gentle hand at Jason’s shoulder to silently announce himself. There’s no worse idea than sneaking up behind Jason - that’s a good way to get an elbow to the face.]
I’ll have to phone the concierge next, see if they can send up a sewing kit.
[It’s murmured into the side of Jason’s neck, followed with a kiss.]